FAMOUS LAST WORDS

The Term "Famous Last Words" usually refers to the truly stupid things players say that jinx them just before their character gets killed or seriously messed up. Such as "Things couldn't get any worse" just before it does. We also place here some of the truly stupid things people say while playing.  The following are actual things said during AD&D game play at the weekly game session at my house. I have tried to credit the person uttering the following statements, to their complete and utter embarrassment. If you do not understand any of the statements below you probably had to be there to appreciate them. 


I haven’t been fireballed yet. - Andrew
I could live to be 800 years old. - Andrew
I don’t like those tapestries…..I cast fireball. - Andrew
You only live twice.
I always wanted a three piece suit. - Matt
Beware of the Keebler Drow. - Don
“He won’t kill a pregnant woman.” - Christy
Thunder Bats Ho! - Matt
The book is not going to blow up. - Patti
I can come back. - Andrew
“I’m poking the tree.” - Ian
Nothing happens when you drink the “last” potion. - Christy
“I act casual.” - Patti
Hopefully they brought reinforcements. - Matt
Now’s our chance, the gates are open. - Jim
I’m not suicidal. - Jim
What’s the worst that can happen. - Patti
I cast “I’m a Wuss”. - Andrew
I missed with dramatical flare. - Shellene
“I like men” – Matt
I blind him with my shadow puppet moose. - Jim
“Don’t worry! I’m not going to get us killed.” – Matt the Chaotic Mage
We are not going to get stuck in the pit - Patti
“You don’t touch my sack.” – Ian
“I’m getting a better sack.” – Ian
I have an affinity for the undead. - Matt
“I just kill what they tell me to.” – Shellene
“I go forward suicidally.” – Andrew
I get off! - Ian
We surrounded them.
“I’m wearing a kilt and a tube top.” – Ian
“I piledrive the Dwarf.” – Jim
“We’re watching other people’s holes?!” – Patti
“My character doesn’t have breasts!” – Patti
I look for the obvious doors. - Patti
“Look out for the prick with the pink……” – Matt
“Oh joy!” - Shellene
I have 3 spells; everyone should fear me --- Andrew
Is it a from map or a two map – Andrew
You blow the donkey !!!! – Ian
Lets all hold hands and dance around – shelly
I don’t need to be fixed, I need to be cured – Patti
It is either important stuff or unimportant stuff, either way we don’t care – Ian
I am a rock gnome, didn’t you see my Mohawk – Andrew
Do you have to Fuck with everything? – Shelly. It’s a character flaw. – Andrew
Ignore me!! I’m stupid – Ian
Label it “It won’t kill you” -- Shelly
I have the spell “jury rig” – Matt
I want to find the end of the dungeon – Andrew
We paint the petrified Andrew to look like a garden gnome – Matt
Jesus, Mary and Joseph or whatever your fucking god is – Matt
I’m an illusionist, Trust me – Andrew
Because we are stupid – Matt
But we wouldn’t do that it would be wrong -- Ian 
I might just survive this campaign – Shellene
I pimp myself for money – Matt
I’m not rolling again – Patti
I got to talk to hairy Johnson – Matt
I could die nobly in battle – Andrew
Can I have some of your magical sticks filled with sugary goodness – Ian
This is a family dungeon – Andrew
It’s a forkin bat – Matt
Come and get me I am a do-gooder – Matt
We’re to stupid to be malicious – Patti
I am bacon – Matt
We can’t run horizontally anymore – Matt
It’s a good thing we brought the lamp oil – Matt
Are there any trees in this area? (Ian) No this is a treeless jungle. (DM)
Why are you thinking with your mace - Matt
What do you need sheep for - Andrew (DM). They are just the right height - Matt.
We have two clerics, we will never die - Ian.
We are going to rape the oxen? - Matt
I'm stupid, I'm not Deaf! - Don (playing an INT 6 Character)
I didn't know they sold tampons in this game. (Matt) That's why you get sheep. - Patti
I need a bigger bush - shelly
It doesn't matter we will kill them until they are dead. - Ian
Death to those who oppose me!! - Don
You skin it and I'll pork it - Matt
But patti is invincible - Justin
I make sure Ian is aroused - Patti
Throw another troll on the barbi - Matt
There is a big fire over there we cannot get lost - Matt
I have been mounting you all day - Don
I cast protection from constantans - Ian
I have a big one !?! - Vanessa
I prop Vanessa  up and make her look dangerous - Shelly
I prefer it in the rear - Jon
How many more could there be? - Don
It's a potion of "I won't kill you" - Don
No it's a potion of protection from Luthor - Shelly
I'm cheaper than Vanessa - Shelly
I am wearing studded rubber - Jon
Would it hurt? - Patti
What's that streak mark from - Matt
I need to get myself FIXED when we get back to town - Patti
The priest calls us the "Cha Ching Gang" - Matt
I'm polishing my rod and wondering what it does. - Shelly
It's a good thing intelligence doesn't affect my armor class. - Matt
I run through the blade barrier - Patti
Obviously we can't fuck that up - Jon
I go down like a cheap prom date. - Jon
I have 12 large sacks - Don
So, We just spanked his monkey? - Ian